Do you know people that ask that? Like How much do you think she weighs, did you notice she gained weight, Or worse…she’s got a pretty face, if she would just lose weight. That’s a nice dress but it would look better if she were smaller… What? Why is it your business? Water your own garden! Sorry… Im a little sensitive. HA
Ive bee trying to figure out what triggers my body image issues, or situations in which I felt deflated, times when I gave other people POWER over me. I want to change that to strength. I want to re-remember that as a moment of success. In those moments, I could have shriveled and given up but I found strength to keep going, I chose to not punch those people in the face (thats a positive) I may have taken the hit but I didnt die! And in most memories, I see that most people didn’t INTEND to insult or hurt me. It was how my ears heard and my hurt heart interpreted it. #destinationVictory
Ill tell you about a time when this happened…
So, I’m teaching a Turbokick class at a gym Ive wanted to teach in for a long time, I’m looking cute, feeling good, outfit on fleek! We turn up the music loud, we kick it hard and I’m a sweaty happy smiling mess! I’m on cloud nine! I even had a members saying it was awesome…then this one member come up ask me for a picture.
Like, are you kidding? I’m on Fiya!
And then, she speaks! She says, “Thanks so much, I had a great time. I wanted to take your picture to show my friends daughter, she thinks she’s too bog to come to the gym. And I want to show her even big girls teach classes.”
Yeah, let that sink in. Now I’m digesting the left handed compliment, trying to keep my face smiling and my gut from puking up all over her! I was in such shock that I said thanks. Yeah, fitness isnt about how big you are its how hard you try.
I was dying on the inside! Did she have any idea what she just said to me? She said Even Big girls can Teach classes. What? I was your instructor…you only saw me as a big girl. And believe me, I’m proud of it, but I wasn’t seeing myself as a size prior to that moment. I saw myself as a great happy cute fun smiling energetic fitness freak. But all you saw was my rolls bouncing around?
Well, #truthmoment I walked out a different girl than I walked in. My reflection in the mirror changed. It hurt me. It deflated me instantly. But I didnt stay there! I kept teaching I kept working out…maybe I’m still a little bruised bc as I write I can still feel that roller coaster of emotion. I controlled it in the actual moment of impact but it was an echoe for many weeks. At this moment I dont teach, but not bc of her or her comment…
I digress…the reflection was not to ride that roller coaster again, it is to point out her intentions were to lift someone up. Somehow inspire someone else with my accomplishments. I’m guessing that young lady wont receive it any better than I did. But thats not the intention.
Your intentetions may be kind, but if you’re words are wrong, it means NOTHING!
Here’s the best advice I can give…when it comes to weight or body image…SHUT IT! It’s not your business! And believe me, we dont need you to point out what we already know! We see ourselves naked, we tick shit in, we cover it (we are expert camploflagers) we feel things bounce and move and not move, we lose our breath when we bend over to tie our shoes…we get it. So, do you honestly think that telling us about it, will make a difference?
What will? Loving us no matter what.
Tell them: You are beautiful, capable, you can do anything.
Be an encourager not nag, live by example, make activity and healthy eating a priority for everyone…not just the big girl! Seriously, dont make image an issue. Dont tug at their clothes, if they are confident….leave them alone. Of course, don’t let them have too small options.
No matter how You handle it, always remember confidence takes time to blow up but with the right air it can expand to amazing beautiful high flying beings for everyone’s to enjoy! But it only takes the tiniest prick to deflate it fast. It can be repaired but its never the same!
Is your confidence like a shriveled balloon Ha…You knew those ones that haven’t given up but there isnt much air left. It’s nearly deflated, all wrinkly and pathetic. (You see that dusty little red balloon under the couch or in the corner…)
Yeah, sometimes I think confidence can be just like that. Someone that has healthy self image or some type of success may not have any idea…but thats what it feels like sometimes.
How do you make it better? Educate yourself. Fake it til you make it. I’m not talking about some silly guru that tells you you’re specia, talented, deserving… do your homework. No amounts of someone else telling you will help you believe it. You need to see and learn and believe in triumphs. Being confident isnt easy, it takes time, experience, failures, setbacks, setups, adventures, accomplishements. And until you have your own you need to see others.
Read a book, listen to podcasts, watch a video, take a class, sign up for an online class…DO something. Dont just sit there. You are no good to you when you wallow in your sorrow! (Makes me think of a pig in shit…they aren’t happy with the smell but the make th best of it!)
What book: BIG LIST Here you will find a huge list of books I’ve read over the years to help its confidence and business. You cant go wrong, put a couple on your wish list (Leaders are Readers!)
Online academy: courageousconfidenceclub.com by my girl @chalenejohnson I also love myfierceclarity.com from my gal @nicolewalters They are not the same, but they will help you with confidence, clarity diciovering YOU, sort of. I’m only sharing whats helped me.
Podcasts: Lewis Howes, Chalene Johnson, type confidence in search…try something new! (Podcast is a feature on your smartphone! ITS ALREADY there! Just open it up and start!)
And introspection or reflection. See how far you’ve come, see how much you’ve overcome. See that you are not where you used to be…and you can make this moment that moment of change.. You are no longer that person. The person that allows other to take power away. Nope, after this moment you are someone of strength, power. You are deserving and special and NO one can change that. Down deep, you know you are amazing and capable and you can do anything you put your mind to!
Get up, get moving! Be confident! Can’t? Then do something about it! You do not live in a bubble, you define your boundaries….Dream BIG!